Going for Walks

There is something about going for walks that awakens dreams inside of me. It seems to open up the world of possibilities. Today was my first really extended walk of exploration since i moved out. I passed a many houses... some that were for sale which always causes my mind to wander to the days ahead, where i will have a home of my own. Oh the adventures my mind takes. There are so many things i would like to do in my life. Yet strangely, even as my mind dances with new ideas, and lifes possibilites, i am left feeling so at peace. I'm not sure which ideas i like better, i am unsure how i would like to paint my life's canvas. But inside my heart is full of peace and joy, excitement and rest. God is good. I know this to be true, and as long as I remain in his love, and abide in him, anything is possible, anything can happen.

Squished

Sometimes I feel squished, I feel stuck. There are so many things in life that are changing. Yet, there are also many that are staying the same. I feel God has been challenging me, calling me out into adulthood and into maturity, yet there are area's that seem to stay the same. Areas in which i sometimes feel my growth is being squished. I do like living at home, and its not like I could afford school and living on my own and paying off my car (which i am hoping will happen soon, yay!) But there are parts of me that i will only be able to discover and explore if i were to step out on my own. So today... I wish i had my own place. A place i could invite friends over to, a place that i could take more steps into my independence. I can't believe i am almost 22. Crazy, I am actually an adult, and its cool to see the way God has been encouraging me to discover more about myself and more about who i am in him, and giving me courage to step out into new tasks and challenges. Weither it is actually stepping out from under the care of may parents, or in other ways yet to be discovered. This is the element of surprise and adventure that God leaves me with, always giving me a sense in my heart, yet never really telling me the specifics before i need them.

Wow, its been a long time since i have made a post. I guess i have been processing thoughts else where. But today, I felt the need to log on and try and uncoil the mixture of thoughts in my head.

I have been noticing a shift in my heart the last few days. I realized last night that I love that God has been showing up at the meetings at Sanctuary, but I didn't really care about the theatrics as much as usual. Usually I think its exciting and fun and... well cool to see God move in power and see people fall down. Yes, people can fall down or do a various number of things when the lord comes on them in power. Our bodies are just not use to that kind of power.
Not that I don't long for more of God, on the contrary. Yet, my soul is beginning to cry out for his healing power, and i want it to go beyond our walls.

I have been really thinking on the Lords compassion lately. Beginning to think about the promise of being made whole that the Lord has given us as believers. If you try and picture his face of compassion as we sit here on earth; broken, sick, and diseased, you can't help but begin to realize that the lord has more to offer than the shaking theatrics or prayer. When did Jesus ever say he was not willing to heal in the scriptures? And if he is present in our worship meetings and we can sense his power around us, could the Lords desire really be that we ask that he use his power to heal us, not just emotionally but physically as well?

So I sit here, with what i would like to call a healthy discontent. An aching and a yearning for more of God. More of God in healings, that those who doubt his goodness might know it. That the unsaved would now believe.

Business has crept up on me again....

So i find myself having stuff all the time. I like it, but it makes it more difficult to schedule in God time. Yet, that is what i must continue to do. I don't want to hold back my social stuff... i think i just need to learn how to time manage everything. Thus far i have been alright.. but i can feel it inside of me, i could feel it last night as well to a lesser degree. I wanted to go shopping with my mom this afternoon after i was finished work... but i don't have time. I must go to my room and read my bible and let his word wash over me once again. For once again, i have people coming over tonight for a bible study, but to be able to contribute or even just take the discussion in, i need to have some personal time and space.
I think that another part is, that the more time i spend at the prayer meetings the more i long and need time to grow my relationship with God. I am in need of more time with God. This is a good thing that i would like to accommodate in my weekly schedule.

New links

So I put two new links on my blog. Sanctuary house of prayer, and TVVT. The reason... comes with a bit of story.
I have been going to 'sanctuary house of prayer' on Sunday afternoons for the last month and a half or so. Anyways...before I started going there regularly... actually over the last two years, God has really been revealing to me this heart for prayer that I have. I looked to get involved at my church with prayer, but the little that they had was not really what my heart was longing for. Anyways, its a long story as to how God connected me into the House of prayer here in Winnipeg (if you would like to know you should ask me sometime), but I feel so at home there. Being there inspires me to pursue Gods heart and brings me revelation of how he is pursuing me with his love. There are many other things that he is doing in me, threw my time there, much more than I can even comprehend at the moment. I just know he is working something in and threw me that is great. Anyways, the reason for the new links ... sanctuaryhop is because it has taken a special place in my heart. The TVVT is a blog written by one of the guys at Sanctuary. I found it and am recommending it to all. I find the entries to be encouraging and uplifting spiritually. That is all for now. If any of you are ever around Winnipeg on a Sunday afternoon, you should check out the house of prayer. (They pray threw singing/worship)

Gods affections

So i wonder why its so hard to let God love us, or at least, its hard for me to just enjoy his affections sometimes. God has really been revealing to me his longing for his people. How he has been longing to be one with us since the beginning of creation. Though, when i think of this... my heart breaks for those that will not turn, or aren't turning to him.
I was having one of those moments last night, as i was going to bed, where my heart was breaking for those who could not or would not see the glory of God and turn to him and go after his heart and then i heard God whisper to me 'But i want you.' It breaks me everytime he gives me a glimps of his affections for me. The feeling wasn't there long, but i remember it, and i don't want to forget it. I need to firstly give him myself. I need to let God love me. He wants to love me. Its not always about 'them'. (being the ministries)
I don't know if that makes sense or if anyone really reads this anymore... but thats what was on my mind.

Last Wed. Night

Last wed. night, i was walking on the street and my mind began to describe the picture that was before me. I felt like sharing it.

As i step out onto Bob and Hilde's front door step, i can distinctly smell the fragrance of smoke hanging in the air. It seems like someone in the neighborhood has had a bonfire causing the block to be enveloped in a haze of smoke. I make my way to the road, that i might walk to my van beneath the canapy of trees framing the street. My path is lite up, ever so gently, by the soft light of the street lamps. There seems to be a layer of fog hanging in the air to mix with the smell of smoke i had noticed upon stepping out onto the door step. It is such a beautiful evening to be enjoying the fresh cool air.