Boot envy

So today i was driving to pick up my sister from dance. On my way, i happened to see a man walking across the street in what looked like rubber boots. It brought me back to a day in Cambodia; driving on the back of a motto, down the muddy muddy roads, wearing my black rubber boots. I had seen a man with greenish rubber boots and i got what i call boot envy. I had wanted to get yellow or red ones originally, but all they had was black. Now, here was this person with coloured ones. i wished, at that moment that i had colourful rubber boots too. This is not the person i saw (as he is not wearing green boots), and this is not a very muddy day either. But he has boots, and is from Cambodia so i thought it fit the theme.

God's Grace

I love God. He is so good. Earlier this morning I was having a rant day. Thanks to Jessica and Erin I was able to rant off some stuff to them. They were great friends and I love them very much. Anyways, I guess I was avoiding some issues God wants me to deal with. As a result I have not spent as much time with him as I would like. Though, he has pushed me into situations that I need to turn back to him. I had my small group over tonight, and I new it would suck, and God would not be able to move as well unless I spent time preparing with him. I scrunched my nose at him a little because I didn't want to spend time with him, yet did at the same time. I also have to teach on Sunday and I really wasn't feeling like I was in a good pace for teaching. Yet, I knew God wanted me to and it wasn't about me.
God is showing me his grace. In the middle of all this fighting and resisting him, he has given me a joy in my heart. He has given me a heart to teach on Sunday. I feel blessed. I don't deserve it, I have been terrible to him this week, yet he insists on drawing me in, despite how I feel and I love him for it.

Getting Old

My papa is turning 90 years old in a few days. We had his birthday party this past weekend. It was interesting to see how much he actually remembers. We had a little DVD that my uncle made for him of pictures. The part that surprised me was that he remembered stories from most of the pictures. He is doing pretty well for a 90 year old. I also love my babas bluntness. She was working in the kitchen cleaning up, and someone asked her what she wanted to do with the left over cake and she said, "i don't want to clean anymore" and sat down. It wasn't so much what she said, but how she said it. It was so matter of factly. Anyways, i feel truly blessed to have them in my life. I love my grandparents (on both sides) they are such a blessing to have around. My papa is turning 90 and i am turning 20 this year. he is 70 years older than me. I feel like i am getting old, yet i know i am so young still. It will be interesting to see what is to come for me.
On another note: (kind of to do with previous blog)
I also feel like God is happy that i want to get to know him, and he will meet me where i am at. I love how he reminds you sometimes that we can't work to get close to him. If the desire is there, he will be there too. He will also take you down roads you never new you needed to take, and sometimes on the way there you don't know where you are, or where your going. This makes it difficult to try and figure out your way if you don't even know which way you need to go. You just need to trust in the lord.

What is God teaching me?

I told Jessica and Erin that I would write a blog on what God has been challenging me on. So I guess I will have to figure out the specifics so I can put it into words……. He has been challenging me to really get to know him. Not that I don't know him already, but there is so much more that I don't know. I am at the moment working on reading through the whole bible. Yes, I have grown up in a Christian home and probably throughout my childhood have gone through most of the bible, if not all of it. Yet, I really want to know, that I know, that I know, that I have read the whole bible. I am also one that is not very good at reading in order, so I hop all over the bible with lists to cross out books as I read them. Anyways, my point isn't to just read the bible to say that I have read it. I want to read it, and lean not on my own understand but on Gods. I want to understand his heart for his people. I really want to know the God of the Old Testament. Now, saying that, I know that the God of the Old Testament is the same one as the New Testament. Yet, I want to understand this in my heart; so that when people ask why he appears different I will be able to answer them with the truth that comes from an understanding in your spirit. I want to truly share with them the love of my God because I know it myself. This is all very over-whelming because this is not the only thing I am trying to figure out. I have recently had some teaching on end-times. I know Jesus preached on it a bunch as well, and I am trying to figure out what my specific point of few of it is. However, I know that I want God to be my teacher. I don't want people to tell me what they believe and just take there word for it. I want to know for myself in my heart. I want to know the scriptures that support it. I guess the thing is, there is so much I know that God is waiting to teach me through his word, and I just want to read it all and understand it right away. Although, I know it doesn’t always work that way. I have to wait on the lord, but I want to understand so I can keep reading and learn more. Yet, I sometimes need to read and re-read so that I can actually let the knowledge I receive sink into my heart.

I guess the main thing is; I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now. I know that I am called to serve at home, in Winnipeg. I know that me working at the cafe part time is a part of the ministry that God has called me to. I know that me serving as a Jr. High leader at church and doing a few teachings, is what God has asked me to do. I know that leading a small group of young adults every other week is also part of Gods call. However, that is not all he has called me to. He has called me to be his student. God will call me to step to the next level of ministry at some point, but when he calls me to that next step will I be ready? Will I be spiritually prepared to take on whatever he has for me? These are the questions God has really been asking me to consider. That is what the longing to get into the word has really been about. I know that God has called me to do great things for him, as he has for all of us. He has great plans for everyone, for every Christian, but are we letting him work in us and teach us, so that he can actually use us in his plans. The people who will bring the gospel to the nations with power and authority need to have the spirit working through them. If you don't know the spirit of God, how can you have him flowing through you with power? If I was put in a situation where I needed to suffer for the cross, I don't know if I would be ready, but I would like to think I would be one day. I would like to think that God could use me in that way if he wanted to.
I also want to know the truths of the bible so well, that if I was confronted with a lie, I would know. This ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. I hope it makes sense. If you have any questions or need me to clarify on any of the points, just leave me a little comment and I will do what I can. Thanks to those who actually read the whole thing. I hope you didn't read it out of obligation though. Oh and those of you who read the whole thing get this little random comment.-“I need new socks, one of the ones I am wearing has a hole"